Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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