OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
