This girl is more easily done than said...
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
