I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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