I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
