the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need to sanitize my soul.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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