i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
