stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
