I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
