I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
