I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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