Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
