Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
