im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
