I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
