turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
