i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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