he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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