We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I looked at my own cervix.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
