I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
