Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
