Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
