He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
