What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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