awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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