Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
