i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
only if we run a train.
done.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
