OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
