I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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