I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
