Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
