It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
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If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
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I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
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