I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
