i think my tv is drunk
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
