Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I miss vodka workout Fridays
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
