Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
