You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
