sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
