my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
