i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
