I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
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I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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