you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize