Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
