It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
