We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
