I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
