i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
