Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
