I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
