I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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