I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
