He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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