So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
50% drunk capacity currently
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
