how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
