I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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