if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The best revenge is premature balding
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
