Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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