but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
