Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
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