Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
