where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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