He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
