Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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