I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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