So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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