Church boner. Awkwardddd
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
